Sunday, 26 May 2013

4.40 am



We all like to write stories for ourselves. A dream in which we’re somebody else. One and the same; A Marilyn, a songbird with a mellifluous voice, the pen that inspired a generation of actors; I have been them all. Now, I peer around my heavy curtain to realise I have stayed awake until just before sunrise. But all of the world, apart from the rabbits in their dewy labyrinth, are asleep. It wasn’t my goal to stay up until tomorrow, but as I brush back the curtain, it feels as though it should have been – like this was the best idea I’ve had for months. To not fall asleep, unexpectedly, and immerse myself in a bed of stories…

 I look over the rim of my decadent glass; I see myself in the mirror. And as Eva sings of sunburnt hands I feel like I’m the heart-breaker. I am the girl shaped like a vase in a sequined dress, with a lunar complexion; the ‘most famous woman in the world’. But the vision disperses like confetti at an ill-timed wedding, and yet, most of me still wants the dream to be true. And a part of me believes it. 

On returning to my ruffled bed, wearing my striped duvet like a cape, I hope that I will dream of sweet nothings in my sleep, and I begin a silent argument to decide whether I remain awake until the sun soaks my irises, or not.

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